Stakeholder Seduction: The Art of Engaging & Building Trust
When you work with people, you’ll always find that some are a breeze to collaborate with, while others can make matters a bit complicated to put it lightly. Stakeholders, co-workers and people in general are like snowflakes: there's not two that are alike. And each requires a special approach.
If they’re not involved, you’ll get nowhere as you’ll be running the project in the dark and won't be able to see what hit you.
Important thing to keep in mind is that the stakeholders who aren’t interested, or, worse, resist the change, will end up sabotaging your work!
Not because they’re evil, but because it’s human nature to resist change. Change is scary. It forces us out of our comfort zone and nobody likes that!
I’ve been doing my job like this for 10 years, and now some know-it-all newcomer wants to break the processes I’ve been following for ages? No thanks!
Even the nicest, fluffiest people will eventually say something like this. Trust me.
To avoid (or at least minimize) the negative impact from disengaged or resisting stakeholders, you have to build relationships.
There's plenty of ways to do this, and I don’t claim mine is the only right one. I’m only sharing what’s worked for me in the past. Perhaps psychologists would disagree, and maybe the big sharks would try to bite me… but so far, it’s worked 99% of the time. Numbers don’t lie 😎
From Avatars to Allies: Building Real Bonds Remotely
These days, many of us work remotely and may never meet our colleagues in real life, ever. In fact, over 80% of business communications are now carried out digitally.
Offline meetings, brainstorming with a whiteboard in the conference room, grabbing coffee with your co-workers – those things are nearly gone.
A lot of people complain (and they’re not entirely wrong) that remote work can make you feel isolated, separated from the team, with nothing but four walls for company and no real human faces around…
Just thinking about it sends shivers down my back 😶
But all those negative feelings simply mean that you're doing it WRONG!
Some people started working from home unexpectedly (thanks to COVID19) and were desperately holding onto their old “office” habits, instead of adapting to the new reality. Sure it didn’t feel right: they just wanted things to go back to how they were.
However, there were also the lucky ones (like yours truly) who’d already tasted the fruit that is working a full-time remote job, thanks to a very forward-thinking boss, and came to love it with all their hearts 😅
After years of working remotely, I’ve noticed that
Get real. Video On, Walls Down
Ever notice how people online can be so brave and bold? That’s because to them you don't really exist. They can’t see you, you can't smack them silly. You're just about as real as your avatar. At best.
Same goes for working with stakeholders. Why should I listen to you, engage, and care, if you’re not real, if you don't exist?
You’re just a voice on a call. I don’t even have to be nice to you!
Disney's Gravity Falls: How can you stop me, if you don't exist?
Turn on your camera and, BAM! You are now a living breathing human being with feelings, emotions, and a unique personality! That’s when relationships (and real engagement) begin 😉
Spark the Connection: Creative Virtual Ice-Breakers
There have been plenty of times when people warned me,
“Oh, poor thing, you have to meet with X.”
But not once have I left a meeting with X. thinking,
“They were right!”
If you know me in real life, you’ll know I’m not one of those adorable Labradors who loves everyone just because they exist.
So, what’s my secret? Truth is, there is no secret. It’s all about a few simple rules:
Never walk into a meeting with any prejudice / bias
Especially when it comes to someone you’ve never even talked to before. It lets you be genuinely nice to the person you're speaking with. People pick up on sincerity very well, and they’ll usually return the favour.
Turn your camera on and smile
Genuinely! If you don’t feel like smiling, don’t force it. People can tell. You're not that good an actor.
Even if the other person doesn’t turn on their camera, they’ll still have to look at you. In a good way. Everyone needs something to focus on during a call. You can be that something and that way your chances of being heard double if not triple.
If they turn their camera on too – even better. You get all the non-verbal feedback. Now that, my friend, is a goldmine…
Are they fidgeting or making hasty movements? They might be anxious. Try to figure out what’s bothering them, help the tension go away by making a nice comment about their hair or making a joke to help them feel more at ease. Perhaps, they spilled their coffee, but they’re embarrassed to say so! Or maybe someone told them you’re the person whose project will put them out of their job?...
Do they appear to be lost in thought? Just give them some room, wait on them. If the silence drags on, ask what’s on their mind or if they have concerns or hesitations. If they still can't answer, maybe suggest involving someone else in the discussion.
Do they seem closed off? Try to figure out what triggered this and bring them back into the conversation. Maybe you accidentally hit a nerve, maybe you’re talking too quickly, or you suggested something that feels threatening? And yes, the classic “arms crossed” is often truly means that you lost 'em. Try to win them back!
Are they staring blankly into space? You’ve lost them! Time to pull them back in or, maybe, just offer to take a short break and get some coffee. They might be tired from the conversation or overall.
Are they touching their nose? They’re lying! (Okay… that last one’s not a sure thing)
And so on.
Be easy
To work with, of course! Little things and small gestures work wonders 🥰.
If you want your counterpart to feel comfortable (and not get annoyed right from the start), be easy to work with.
First, and probably the most important:
🌸 ALWAYS send out an agenda for your meeting. Always!
The only possible exception is if you'd already had a discussion with the person or the team and everyone's aware of the topic and questions. In all honesty, though, you yourself might forget why you scheduled that meeting in the first place. So, do your future self a favour and add a short note like,
“Setting up this meeting to discuss the July marketing campaign budget for product X.”
This is business communications 101.
Some of you have probably felt that weird frustration of seeing yet another meeting in your already-packed calendar and having no idea why you’re supposed to be there 😠
Try not to annoy people from the start.
This one is obvious, but often forgotten in real life:
🌸 Whenever you meet someone new, introduce yourself. Explain who you are, what you do at the company, what you’re responsible for, and why you’re invading their day. If I know nothing about you, it’s impossible to understand the full context of our conversation – which means the meeting itself will become much less effective than it could've been.
🌸 Come prepared. Run your meetings as efficiently and quickly as possible.
If the person who called the meeting isn’t doing too well of a job facilitating and leading the conversation, can’t clearly define the task or the problem, or is just passive, it annoys even the most laid-back, sweetest of people. Unsurprisingly, those meetings end up being a waste of everyone's time 😔
🌸 Give your meetings, emails, and EVERYTHING you send clear, specific names.
We’ve all stumbled across folders called “misc” or “123” or “asdfjkl” on our computers. At a certain point in time it becomes impossible to guess what’s inside! And what if you need to find something now?
In business communications the subject line of an email or a meeting invite is super important: everyone can instantly get what it’s about without digging through details, reading all of it, etc.
Imagine checking your calendar and seeing:
“Budget Discussion”
Budget for what? For which month? For which product? Maybe it doesn’t even involve my team at all?..
Now imagine seeing this instead:
“[Landing Page] July 2026 Marketing Campaign Budget”
One glance and you already know: this meeting will be focused on discussing, adjusting, and approving the marketing budget for July 2026 for the landing page created to attract more customers.
🌸 Always use THEIR time zone when scheduling meetings when you work with people outside of yours. Offer slots in their local time. This tiny gesture saves them time (and the mental strain converting time) and minimizes the risk of errors.
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